how could you?!
when I was a puppy, I entertaind you with my antics and make you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of mumurdered throw pillows ,I became you best friend .
whenerver I was ‘bad’ ,you’d shake your finger at me and ask “ how could you?”-but then you’d relent ,and roll me over for a belly rub.
My housebreaking took a little longer than expected ,because you were terribly busy ,but we worked on that together . I remember those nights of nuzzling you in your bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams ,and I believed that life could not be any more perfect .
We went for long walks and runs in the park ,car rides ,stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because “ice cream is bad for dogs ", you said ) and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day .
Gradually , you began spending more time at work and on your career , and more time searching for a human mate . I waited for you patiently ,comforted you through heartbreaks and disapointments , never chided you about bad decisions ,and romped you with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.
She now your wife ,is not a “dog person” ----still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show how her affection and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.
Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement . I was fascinated by their pinkness,how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them,too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spend most of my time banished to another room or to a dog crate. Oh , how I wanted to love them,but I became a "prisoner of love ".
As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselved up on wobbly legs,poked fingers in my eyes,investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch --because your touch was now so infrequent—and I would have defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams,and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.
There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog,that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years ,you just answered yes and changed the subject. I had gone from your dog to just a dog, and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
Now you have a new career opportunity in anther city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You’ve made up the right decision for your family,but there was a time I was your only family.
I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats , of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said I know you will find a good home for her. They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog ,even one with papers.
You had to pry your son’s fingers loose from my collar, as he screamed "no daddy . please don’t let them take my dog! "And I worried for him, and what lessens you had just taught him about love and resposibility, and about respect for all life.
You gave me a goodbye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. The shook their heads and asked how could you ?
They are attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago.
At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you—that you had changed your mind—that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who I cared, anyone who might save me.
When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room.
She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.
As is my nature,I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that,the same way I knew your every mood.
She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cold liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her eyes and murmured “hou could you?”
Perhaps she understood my dogspeak, she said "I’ m sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a bettter place, where I wouldn’t be ignored and abused or abandoned, or have to fend myself—a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.
And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my “ how could you? ” was not directed at her. It was you, my beloved master, I was thingking of. I will think of you forever. May erveryone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.
