粗略地看了一下，有三个问题，一是标点，该用句号的地方用了逗号；二是动词第三人称没加s，如he like; he help; he educate; 三是honestly是副词，honest才是形容词。别的水平有限不好说。建议你发到Q哥英语这个网站的答疑栏，那儿有热心高人义务给大家批改和点评作文。

你要分清什么是complete句子, 要不逗号满天飞啊.
比如第一句 因该是这样 My father is a handsome middle-sized man. He has big eyes and black hair.

punctuation是最大的问题要注意 其他的细节你仔细找找能找出来

My father
My father is a middle-aged man(is that what u mean)he has big eyes and black hair, it makes him looks more handsome.
My dady like driving, because he is a driver，he basically drives for hours every day and he feels very happy. He is also likes to play mobile phone,he plays qq and he used his mobile phone to watch the news every day. My dady is a hard-working person, he works from 8 a.m to 9 p.m in daily. To be a character,he is friendly to everybody around him therefore people like him as well.
My dady loves me,he teaches me a lot when I was growing up,when I am getting trouble,he helped me without hesitation. And he often buys me delicious food. He usually tHe taught me to be hones, friendly to others,and working diligently.
This is my father, I love him forever.
读下来随意改了一下，不满意楼主可以自己再改改

看开头还以为描绘通缉犯

大眼黑发就能说明帅了吗？