Why does everyone think my Dads are gay?
为什么每个人都觉得我爸爸们是Gay呢？
爸爸们，你是有几个爸爸啊？？

My girlfriend and I went to stay with her parents at the weekend, but her dad wouldn't let us sleep together.
Which is a shame, because I really fancy him.
我和女朋友上周末去她家小住，但是她爸不让我们睡在一块儿。
太可惜了，我是真的喜欢他的。


i hate some of the excuses women come up with for not having sex. Like:
"I'm on my period".
"I've got a headache"
or
"Get your hands off my neck I don't even know you".
那些找借口不和我嘿咻的女人最讨厌了
比如：我大姨妈来啦~ 我头疼呀~
或者
别掐我脖子呀，我都不认识你！


I've managed to avoid around 50 April fools jokes this morning.
However, I've now lost my job on the emergency services desk.
今天早上我成功滴识破了大约50个愚人节笑话
然后我丢了这份急救中心前台的工作。

Every year I play an April Fool's Day prank on my wife.
Last year I told her I wasn't leaving her to move to Spain.
This year, I called her from Spain to say I was coming back.
每年我都给老婆开个愚人节玩笑。
去年我告诉她我不会离开她去西班牙的，
今年，我从西班牙打电话给她说我想回去了。


BBC News - British student dies two weeks after falling from a balcony in Majorca.
****, how high was that balcony!?
BBC 新闻- 英国男孩从阳台跌落，两周后死亡。
靠，这阳台是有多高啊！？

Japan news: Global penis length average grows as death toll rises.
日本新闻：随着死亡人数增长，全球JJ平均长度也有所增加。
=================我是表示我觉得这种笑话挺坏的分界线==================

I was chatting to an American about all the pain we felt on 9/11/2001. I should know- I caught my foreskin in my zip that day.
Which, by the way, was the 9th of November.
我和一个美国人聊起我们在9/11/2001那天共同感到的伤痛。
我怎能不了接
那天裤子拉链把我JJ皮夹住了。
对了，我说的是11月9号。
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
这里的Which 要怎么翻译呢？

所以大家不要再吐槽CCTV的专家了嘛~
BBC News : "Gaddafi 'Not Targeted' By US Strikes"
So we can safely assume that he'll be dead within days.
BBC 新闻： 卡扎菲不是美国的袭击目标。
所以我们可以基本判断他活不过这几天了。


I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, "Please, think of my children!"
Kinky bitch.
那晚我强奸一个女人的时候，她哭喊
“求你了，想想我的孩子”
这个婊子变态的啊~

真的是，重口味都藏在后边呀~~
I don't know what's happening in this country. You've got school children dressing like whores and whores dressing like school children. It's a nightmare - you don't know whether to carry sweets or money
这个国家究竟是肿么了？
女学生穿的跟鸡似的，鸡穿的跟女学生似的。
都不知道应该带糖合适还是带钱合适了。


Had a blind date last night.
She looked like something I'd draw with my left hand.....
昨天晚上去相亲。
那姑娘长的呀，就像我用左手画出来的似的。

A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?"
The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!"
To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my load in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still ****ing talking aren't you?"
老公跟老婆说，我就爱尝试各种新花儿样，要不我she你耳朵里试试？
老婆说，不行！那样我就聋了！
老公说，我都往你嘴里she了20年了，你他妹的也没见哑！


I think Ji Sung Park is a very naturally talented football player
He can play while he is still asleep
朴智星是个天~才的足球选手！
他睡着的时候都能踢球！
这个我米有看懂。。。。