How do you make your girlfriend cry while you are having sex?
Phone her up and tell her about it!
你知道嘿咻的时候怎么让你女朋友哭吗？
打电话告诉她你正嘿咻呢！
哈哈哈哈。。。精神分裂了啊

My local radio station is asking people to send in funny photographs taken when you were pissed.
So I've sent in my wedding album.
当地电台让人们上传一些他们喝大了的搞笑照片。
所以我就把我结婚相册发出去了。


I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help.
So I hired a hitman.
我跟我前女友说 我想杀了她！
她说我需要专业人士帮助
所以我雇了个职业杀手。
ex 是前女友的意思么？？

Live at home?
Wait until your Dad falls asleep on the sofa, change the channel to Gay TV, dot a few tissues around him.
Watch the hilarious reactions from your mother.
和父母同住吗？
等你爸爸在沙发上睡着以后，把电视换到 Gay TV，在他周围扔几个揉成球的纸巾。
看看你妈妈有什么好笑的反应吧~


My girlfriend claims that her last boyfriend was a better kisser than me.
I have to admit, he is pretty good.
我女朋友说她前男友比我接吻技巧高多了。
我得承认，他确实很棒。

以下重口味，不适应者绕道
My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex.
Just this morning she asked, "Is that the best you can do?"
女儿大了，开始问一些和性有关的问题了，真是尴尬。
今天早上她就问我
你就这点能耐了是吧？


Me and my mate like to rate girls out of ten...
The best thing is, to passers-by it just sounds like we are trying to guess their age.
我和朋友喜欢用0-10来对小妞进行打分。。。
最好的地方就是。。路人只会以为我们只是在猜她们的年龄
Loli 控版块里面的。。

Americans are now saying the earthquake in Japan is karma for Pearl Harbour.
I personally can't wait for the karma waiting to happen for Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
美国人说日本地震是当年珍珠港事件的报应。
我TM迫不及待想看看广岛和长崎的报应了。

I vowed to my wife that I would never hit her again, that I would find a job and raise my kids properly.
The tears streamed down her face, this moment of joy would stick in my mind forever.
The moment when I said "April fools!" and dropped that gullible bitch to the ground.
Gets her every year!
我向我的妻子发誓以后绝不会再打她，并且会找个工作把我们的孩子好好养大。
她感动的泪流满面，而此刻的喜悦也将永驻我心田。
“愚人节快乐!”我边叫边把这个容易上当的蠢女人踢翻在地。
哈哈！每年都能骗到她！

I've just read a report that cardboard packaging made from recycled newsprint can cause cancer.
I'm really worried now as for many years I've been buying my cigarettes packaged in this stuff.
我刚刚读了一篇报道说用回收的报纸做成的硬纸盒包装物会导致癌症。
这真让我挺担忧的，因为这么多年我买的烟都是这种包装啊。。。

Most men carry condoms in case they meet a good looking lady when they go out.
I carry sweets.
大多数男人都随身带着TT以期能与遇到的漂亮MM浪漫下。
而我呢，带的是大白兔奶糖。
此笑话归类于 LOLI控（恋童癖）

Sell a man a fish and he will eat for a day,
Teach a man to fish and you will have just pissed away a great business opportunity.
售人以鱼，一时饱其腹；
授人以渔，错失TMD商机。
这个没看懂。。。

My wife''s star sign was cancer and it''s quite ironic how she died really...
She was attacked by a giant crab.
我老婆是巨蟹座（cancer也有癌症的意思），讽刺的是她真的死了。。。
她是被一只巨蟹攻击致死的。
各种纠结。。。